To Log in or Sign Up for My Property FinderClick Here

Tony Martin

Direct: (810) 844-2384
Send me an Email

Realtor Speak

Realtor Speak

You have all read the Public Remarks on Real Estate listings that sometimes belies the real truth of the properties.  Here are some examples of just a few:

Amazing Views -Interior shot.

Recently Renovated - Interior shot, but painted.

Great Curb Appeal - They painted the front.

Charming - Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarf's would have to find their own place. See also "Cute", "Enchanting", and "Good Starter Home".

Much Potential - Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates did have nice personalities. See also "Ready to Rehab" and "Fixer Upper"

Unique City Home - Used to be a warehouse.

Daring Design - Still a warehouse.

Hi-Tech Contemporary - Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used to store tools.

Contemporary Feeling - House has no woodwork, needs cleaning. see also "Old World Charm".

Completely Updated - Avocado Dishwasher and Harvest Gold carpeting or vice versa.

Sophisticated - Black walls and no windows. See also "Architects Delight".

Architect Designed - As a homework project in House Design 101.

One-of-a-Kind - Ugly as sin.

One of a Kind - After this one, they decided that it wasn't such a good idea after all.

Great Amenities - They replaced the 1970's fridge.

Exciting Opportunity - They Didn't replace the 1970's fridge.

Active Condo Association - Insanely high association fee.

Low Association Fee - Hello "special assessments!"

Brilliant Concept - Do you really need a two story live oak in your 30 foot sky dome? See also "Makes dramatic Statement".

Breathtaking View - Can see and smell, rubbish dump from Living Room.

Artistically Decorated - Full of stuff you can't use.

Brand New Development - Live with construction dust for a couple more years.

Close to Lakes - Impossible to park from April to October.

Close to Health Centers - Wake up every now and then form the ambulance sirens.

Close to Nature - Property has no services.

Close to School - The lunch break din is deafening.

Convenient - Property has no services.

Motivated Seller - Property has been on the market for the past 5 years.

Motivated Seller - In foreclosure.

Cozy - No room larger than 9 ft by 6 ft.

Move in Condition - Front door missing from property.

Needs TLC - House has major  structural damage.

Lots of Parking - Lazy homeowner paved over front lawn.

For the Gardening Enthusiast - Grounds like jungle.

Established Garden - Weeds are well rooted.

Lots of Storage - Garage too small for car - store your boxes of crud here.

Compact - Tiny house.

Convenient - Property located next to highway on-ramp.

Deceptive Appearance - House looks terrible.

Delightful Rural Location - Property in flight path of a major airport.

Easily Maintained - Requires at least two gardeners and a live-in maid.

Family Home - Ugly, impractical and it has 3 more bedrooms than any other house in the neighborhood, so we hope the Waltons read this.

Farmhouse Charm - House with uneven floors.

Friendly Neighborhood - Neighbors tend to peep over the boundary fence.

Hip Neighborhood - A lot of kids.

Quiet Neighborhood - Compared to very busy street nearby.

Exciting Neighborhood - Alot of bad kids.

Fixer Upper - You don't want to know.

Great Neighborhood - Police sweeps recently completed.

Good Schools - IGNORE-everyone says this.

House with Personality - Haunted house.

Indigenous Plants - Haven't got around to gardening yet.

Landscaped - Grass grew over mound of old building sand.

Light Open Spaces - Many holes in walls and ceiling.

Local Entertainment Conveniently Close - Sex-workers hang around on the corner.

Lower Level Family Room - Ping pong table over sewer opening.

Market Ready - Owner feels he's covered everything up.

Mint - Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.

Move-up House - Needs to be jacked up, sinking.

Much Sought After - Property has been on the market at least twice before, and although we got them to buy, no one wants to keep it.

Spacious - Average.

Charming - Small.

Comfortable - Very small.

Cozy - Very, very small.

Low Maintenance - No lawn.

Walk to Stores - Nowhere to park your car.

Pet Friendly - Reeks of cat pee.

Prestigious - Expensive.

Bright and Sunny - Venetian blinds and curtains not included.

Townhouse - Former Tenement.

Extensively Updated - House got electricity last year.

Modern - 30 to 40 years old.

Contemporary - At least 15 years old.

Sprawling Ranch - Inefficient floor plan.

Natural Setting - Forget about planting, the deer will eat everything.

Secluded Setting - Far away.

Executive Neighborhood - High taxes.

Near Houses of Worship - Fanatical denomination next door.

Park-like Setting - A tree on the block.

Unaffected Charm - Needs painting.

Starter Home - Run down.

Hurry! Wont' Last - About to Collapse

And Much, Much More - Nothing else comes to mind.

Neutral Decor - Property has no murals of nudes, or Elvis but has brown walls.

North Facing - Couldn't find anything special about thsi property.

All Offers Accepted - Owner knows his price is too high.

Outstanding - House painted yellow and purple, sticks out like a sore thunb.

Old World Charm -Has some woodwork, needs cleaining.

Contemporary Feeling - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.

Owner Eager to Sell - If the house goes within a week, the spackling will still be covering the cracks.

Partial Central Heating - The room above the boiler can get warn in the summer.

Peaceful Town - One-horse town.

Period Residence - House built in the last two years.

Period Fireplace - Fire Hazard.

Quiet, Secluded Setting - On site of proposed informal settlement.

Rare Opportunity to Buy - No one else wants this property.

Ready for your Updates - Beat up.

Well Loved - Beat up to hell.

Renovated - Patent defects nicely covered up.

Retirement Home - You need to have saved for a very long time to buy here.

Room to Extend - Owner know the house is too small.

Rural Cottage - House too small for agricultural tenants.

Water-view - If you stand on a bar stool in the spare bedroom.

Secluded - See Close to Nature.

Security System - Neighbor has a dog.

Secure Location - Head of organized crime syndicate lives next door.

Select Neighborhood - House beside sewage works.

Sold - Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.

Sophisticated City Living - House next to a noisy bar.

Starter Home - Not exactly finished, but started.

Striking Facades - House is so ugly, you cant' top staring.

Student House - Normal people wouldn't live there.

Swimming Pool - Owner demolished the windpump at last.

Tastefully Decorated - Kids had food fight a number of years ago, and it proved too difficult to clean.

Unspoiled - Planning permission granted for development of the field next door.

Unusual Features - No roof.

Unusual Location - House in path of a planned roundabout.

Unusual Kitchen  - Laid new linoleum.

Updated Kitchen - Sink no longer overflows.

Useful Outbuildings - No inside toilet.

Walking Distance from Beach - You will be parked in every weekend.

Water Features - Geyser bursts each winter.

Wealth of Period Features - Outside plumbing, dry rot, rising damp and electrical circuitry best operated in rubber gloves and boots.

Weather Cracks - Wind howls through house in winter.

Weekend Country Getaway - No one can stay here longer than a weekend at a time.

Well Situated - In full view of neighbors in the flats next door.

Wide Open Floor Plan - Previous owner removed all supporting walls.

Within Easy Distance of Local Amenities - Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop.




























































© 2001-2017 Reliance Network and RE/MAX of Michigan. All rights reserved. US Reg. Copyright TX-5-910-991, TX-5-910-992, TX-5-910-993, and TX-5-910-994.
Each RE/MAX® Office is Independently Owned and Operated. Equal Housing Opportunity.

RE/MAX of Michigan agents are licensed in the state of Michigan. RE/MAX of Michigan

 Site Map